Foxes Have Holes

It’s been two weeks now, and training camp is only halfway done. These two weeks have been packed full with sessions, worship, community, and general missionary training. It has truly been something special. Everyday I become more in awe of God’s beauty and goodness. Every single day I am reminded that God is so much bigger than I will ever know. He loves us so much more than we will ever be able to comprehend. It has only been two weeks and there has already been so much healing physically, mentally, and spiritually in everyone here. These are the miracles I have only heard of in stories, never experienced for myself, yet I am witnessing them in Gainesville, Georgia. We still have yet to go overseas! These miracles are being performed on the missionaries not just by the missionaries. It is incredible. I would love to share more details about these miracles, but they are not my stories to share here. If you want to know the details, please look at all my squad mates blogs!

We have been learning so much here. Most days we have two sessions a day that are an hour each. I have been writing so many notes, and God has been teaching me and changing my perspective on so many things. We have also heard many stories from alumni racers, and each story that I hear makes me more and more excited to head out and see the miracles that God is going to use me and my squad to perform. It has already been such a life changing experience, and I still have nine months of this! I am legitimately so stoked.

I have already been having so much fun, and I love everyone here so much, but if you know me at all, you would know that when I am with new groups of people I am very reserved and quiet at first. I always want to talk to people and be in the group, but I just have a really hard time doing so until much later when I am more comfortable. I have always known this about myself and just kinda wait it out, but here it is so much different. I have been beating myself up so much about it this time to the point where this past Sunday night I stayed up most of the night breaking down and crying out to God, asking Him why I couldn’t just talk to these people. Before I even knew them I already loved them so much, and everyday I love them even more. From day one, I felt like they were my family even if I wasn’t involved very much. So why was it so hard for me to talk to my family? I have constantly been praying, asking God to break the chains and kick down the wall that is holding me back, keeping me in bondage and keeping me from fully immersing myself in the love of this family. I love these people so much, and I just want to talk to them. I was getting so upset with myself about this, when one morning this week I woke up and felt at peace. God reminded me that I cannot put a time limit on His work. I felt at peace knowing that someday soon all my walls will be broken down and that I will no longer have a problem talking to these amazing people. I am so excited for the day that this comes, but in the meantime I am trusting in God’s timing. Since God woke me up with His peace, I have already seen the fruits of this trust. The walls are coming down, the chains are breaking, and I can feel myself slowly inching myself into the midst of the love of my squad. It has not been an immediate change but a gradual transformation, and I am honestly okay with that and am excited to see what God is going to do in the meantime.

As I mentioned earlier, we have been learning so much, but what has stuck out to me is something that was not talked about in a session or discussion. God has just placed on my mind Matthew 8:18-22, specifically verse 20. “And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’” We’ve been getting a lot of rain here in Gainesville, which means a lot of flooded tents and a lot of mold. My tent has already flooded twice, ruining my passport and vaccine cards, making me need to get new ones. And we still have a lot more rain to come. This verse has been at the forefront of my mind because here we are living in tents and complaining about our stuff getting ruined, but Jesus, the very person we are trying to emulate, didn’t even have a place to call home. We are here to do the work of Jesus, and we have so much more than He did and so much more than the countries that we will soon be ministering in. Yet we are complaining about our stuff getting ruined, which is just what it is: stuff! Every single item that we brought with us is replaceable, but our message is not. Whether we have stuff or not, our message can and will still spread. So what is the point of complaining about ruined items when Jesus Himself had nowhere to lay His head? I am not exempt from this thinking. I have to admit that I’ve been guilty of this type of complaining, but I am constantly having to remind myself that I can and will still spread the Gospel to the people of Cambodia, Thailand, South Africa, and Guatemala regardless of what I do or do not have.

The way in which God has been moving here in Gainesville is something I have never experienced. There has not been a single day where I did not hear at least ten stories of the Holy Spirit moving. I honestly cannot describe how truly amazing and life changing it has been to be here. The only word I can ever think of is “good”. Whether it is to explain my day, week or even God. It is the only word I can think of to say, and it is so insufficient. There are literally no words that can accurately explain these past two weeks. And it is only training camp! If God has been doing this much at training camp, imagine how much more He is going to do overseas! I am so excited! I have absolutely know idea what the next nine months are truly going to look like, but I do know that I have the incredible opportunity to serve an incredible God. I know He has so many plans for everyone on my squad, and I cannot wait to see what gifts He bestows on each of us and how He uses each of us for the glory of His kingdom. We serve an amazing God. I know that I may be the one who is actually going out to serve Him, but all of you are serving Him just as much by supporting me. It brings me so much joy to be able to share the ways in which God is moving with all of you. I am so excited for all the blogs and stories to come, and I hope you are too. I am still just so amazed that I get to be the hands and feet of Jesus, living a nomadic life like He did.

With love and blessings, 

Ali Goolsby