You know it’s crazy. Everyone always says that God is always there for you, that He will never leave you nor forsake you, that He is moving even when you cannot see it. I know all of this in my head. I even think and talk about it constantly. Yet when I am in certain situations, my vision becomes clouded, and it’s like I don’t truly believe in who God is.
These past couple of weeks, my vision has definitely been clouded. I have felt very stagnant in my faith, like nothing is moving forward. I have kept up with my daily devotions but more just to keep my Bible streak going rather than to dive deeper into the Word. I have even gone on two winter retreats with my youth group, one as a student and one as a leader, but I still didn’t really feel any closer to God. I have told my students time after time to believe and trust that God is with them at every step they take, but I haven’t been one to really live that belief out, have I?
However, despite all the fog recently, I have looked back, and my vision has become clear. I can see all the things that God has done and has started when I was blind to His movement. It’s truly amazing how you can feel lost in the process, but in the reflection you can see the beauty. God’s love truly endures forever. Even when we cannot see it, God loves us enough to keep moving forward with His plan until we can.
Now don’t get me wrong, during my time of fog I constantly prayed for God to move, I just couldn’t see what He did until much later. I am still struggling a little to fan the flame and reignite my passion for God, but in the meantime I am trying to see all the ways that God is moving in my life right now, not what He is going to do later, and I am trying to relearn who God truly is. This time I am going to make it heart knowledge, not just head knowledge.
Right now I can see God planting seeds in the hearts of so many students in my youth group. I can see God moving through the people close to me and giving them the hearts to support me on the World Race. I have gotten so many donations for which I am eternally grateful and am constantly blown away by all the generosity. I know that is all God. I know that none of this would be possible without His provision and His support. God is so faithful to us when we couldn’t be more unfaithful to Him. It becomes so clear in situations such as mine that God is unwavering, and I cannot wait to see His steadfastness on the Race.
Thank You, God, for being my number one fan. Thank You for always waiting for me to turn back to you. I know I haven’t been a perfect daughter. I have failed to believe the Truth many times, yet You still wait for me and are there for me. Thank You for showing me that You never left and that You never will. Father, I pray that I will not be blind to Your movement anymore. I pray that my heart will be open to all that You have to fill it. I know that I am unfaithful and disloyal, but Thank You so much, Lord, that You are steadfast and faithful. In Your Name, amen.
Love,
Ali Goolsby
Amen! Love you Ali!
Hi Ali. I’m also from the activation route. I was just clicking through everyone’s blogs and reading some posts. This is really deep and encouraging to read, thank you for sharing. You know, we all go through times like these where we can feel disoriented and even apathetic in our walk. However, as you said we can be reminded of how even in the midst of our unfaithfulness God is all the more faithful, and we praise him for that! This is also why I’m really glad to be participating in this gap year. It is giving me opportunities to see God work and giving me a tangible way to live out my faith and connect more with him.